LA is Going Gray!

April 25, 2015 Matthew Vasko 1 Comment

Cruising around Los Angeles recently, a new trend is becoming increasingly apparent… Angelinos are going gray. I’m not talking about their hair styles – although it does seem more fashionable to let the gray locks show than it was a few years ago, thank goodness. No, I am referring to their cars. It is becoming increasingly easy to tell when someone is driving a newer model vehicle, because so many of them are the same color, a sort-of matte finish dark gray.

I first saw this color appear on 2014 models at the LA Auto Show and since then have been seeing it hitting the streets with increasing regularity. The color strikes me as a pleasing alternative to the flat black that was popular for about five minutes, three years ago. Judging by how many cars this color are appearing on the road now I would guess that it appeals to people who would have otherwise purchased a silver, black or white car.

This is certainly not your grandfather’s gray car. Just a few years ago, someone would have been apt to choose gray when they wanted a car color that didn’t stand out. This gray is not that gray. The new matte dark gray is definitely an attention grabber. It really seems to show off every curve and angle of vehicles and looks good on everything from the Prius c (with the color name Magnetic Gray Metallic) to the Jeep Grand Cherokee (dubbed Granite Crystal), and even on sport luxury vehicles like the AMG GT S Coupe (elaborately entitled Magno Selenite Grey).

When it comes right down to it, this might be the most exciting thing to happen to the color gray since, well, ever. The color has personality. It can appear sleek, rugged, or sophisticated depending upon the make and model that’s wearing it. And, for the sake of all the grandfathers who need new cars, never comes across as overly flashy.

Compassion

5 Tips for a More Compassionate Self

April 17, 2015 Matthew Vasko Leave a comment

I’m a fan of compassion as a driving force for positive change. It can change pain into relief, suffering to euphoria and strife to peace. The power of compassion is transformative. It can feed the hungry, heal the sick, and free the oppressed. We see it all the time, yet it never can seem to happen enough to cure all the suffering in the world.

Can we fuel the flame of compassion? Can we generate more compassion within ourselves in the greater world?

The Dalai Lama and now scientists agree that the answer to both of those questions is, “yes.” Research shows that through conscious effort we can become more compassionate individuals, and through our example of compassionate action, we can even increase the compassionate response of others who observe it.

Are you interested increasing your compassion response? If so, then here are some practical tips on how you can do so:

See Yourself in Others

The more we see others as being like us, the more likely we are to be drawn to help them. That feeling of similarity generates a strong feeling of empathy – the feeling that we are suffering with the other person. Empathy is the spark that ignites compassion.

Don’t Worry, Be Helpful

The fear that others’ suffering will become our own can be a roadblock to compassion. Clear your path by reducing your sense of worry. The less you worry, the more likely you are to help others.

Believe in Yourself

The more confident you are that you can reduce another person’s suffering, the more likely you are to do it. So, believe in yourself – not just for your own sake, but for the sake of others.

Don’t Play the Blame Game

Blame limits our compassion. So, be careful not to blame others for their misfortune. Keep in mind that we all suffer and that you suffer too. If you think of someone as your equal, then you are more likely to reach out to them with a compassionate and generous spirit.

Easy Does It

Be careful not to take on too much of other people’s suffering as your own. Doing so can lead to a form of burn out known as Compassion Fatigue. Instead, practice the art of Self Compassion by limiting the degree to which you take on the suffering of others as your own.

Though easy in theory, these tips can be challenging to put into practice and stick with, especially on our most challenging days. But it’s worth the effort, because increasing our compassion can help transform our lives in a variety of positive ways. It can deepen our relationships, increase our sense of wellbeing, and help us feel a greater connection with everyone we meet. And with dedicated practice, as we grow our own compassion, we can help spread compassion in those around us, and little by little transform the world.

Inspiration, Weight Loss

Mind Trip Part III: What She Does and How She Does It

April 9, 2015 Matthew Vasko Leave a comment

In March, I brought you the story of Rebecca Berger, who changed the way she thought about weight and radically transformed her body and improved her health. In the first part of her story we looked at her struggle with weight gain and how she was eventually able to make a physical transformation after mentally reframing how she thought about eating and exercising. In the second installment, I shared some what motivates Rebecca and her own insights into her inner life. Today, we wrap up Rebecca’s story by delving into her process and how she stays focused upon it.

Now that Rebecca visualizes her day-to-day approach to eating and exercising as a journey, she sees each day as just one small segment of that journey. A meal is a footstep along a path. One workout is another footstep. Eating the wrong thing is a simple misstep off the path that can be counteracted by taking the correct footstep at the next meal. The important thing is keeping one’s mind focused down the road. Know where you want to go and the path becomes clear.

Rebecca’s journey includes keeping a written journal of what she eats and her workouts. Her day breaks down like this:

4:30am – Herbalife shake for breakfast
7am – Snack: Greek yogurt
9am – Snack: A cheese stick or clementine oranges
Noon – Herbalife shake for lunch
3pm – Snack: Greek yogurt, cottage cheese, or ham
6pm – Dinner: Veggies and a small piece of meat, either chicken or fish
9pm – Bedtime

Number of calories consumed daily: 1350

You might notice that Rebecca’s diet is high in protein. She says, “We live in a carb-rich environment.” So, she intentionally eats in such a way so that if she does want to treat herself a slice of cake at an office birthday party, then the carbohydrates don’t tip the balance too dramatically. Her mindset is always focused on reaching her goal weight, but she emphasizes that she doesn’t let weight be too much of a factor. She sees this journey as being stretched out in front of her for the rest of her life, so reaching her goal weight next month or six months from now is less important that sticking to her path for the long term.

Her journey also includes exercising five times per week. She loves cardio drumming and leads sessions on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. Each session burns about 500 to 800 calories. She does strength training a couple of times a week. Her favorite form of strength training is kickboxing on a heavy bag. Sometimes her workout is simply walking for an hour. Part of the journey is keeping exercise fun. That means getting some variety and trying new things. An aspect of exercise Rebecca has grown to love is that it gives her renewed energy and stamina – things that help her keep up with her young children by keeping her youthful.

When it is all said and done, the most important thing about the new mental framework Rebecca has created for herself around eating and exercising is staying positive. Setbacks are temporary. The future is bright. Keep moving forward toward your best self.

Inspiration

10 Things You Can Do Right Now to Make the World a Better Place

April 3, 2015 Matthew Vasko 2 Comments

Like you, I’m a doer. I’m always doing whatever I can to improve the world around me. I volunteer in my community, give to important causes, and generally work to be part of the solution. Most of the time, I am positive about the future. Most days I feel like the world is slowly turning toward the good. Still, there are days when I feel like the world is going to hell in a handbasket and there’s simply nothing I can do to fix it. Yet, in my heart, I know that there is always something – no matter how small – that I can be doing that will make a difference. So, I’ve put some options into this list for you, for those days when you feel like you’ve run out of ideas and could use some inspiration. Give them a try and let me know if they work, in the comments.

1. Smile!
Sure it’s corny. Yes, it’s cheesy and silly and will make you a little self-conscious, but it works! Smiling as you go about your day will help brighten the days of those you meet and interact with. Plus, smiling has been clinically proven to improve your mood, and your good mood will rub off on those who have the good fortune of crossing your path.

2. Be Kind
As the old saying goes, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Have you ever been slogging through a particularly rough day when out of nowhere someone was kind to you and it turned your whole day around? After that, your mood lightened, the sun brightened, and everything seemed okay again. Sometimes, all it takes to make the whole world seem like a better place is one small act of kindness. If all of us perform little acts of kindness it truly can transform the world.

3. Pick Up Trash
Feel like the world is a mess? Then clean it up! If everyone picked up just one piece of trash every day, imagine how much cleaner our communities would be. Think of it this way: You can choose to walk past a piece of garbage on the street and wonder why somebody doesn’t clean it up or you can heed these words from Lily Tomlin, “I said, ‘Somebody should do something about that.’ Then I realized I am somebody.”

4. Thank Your Mom or Dad
Pick one thing your Mom or Dad did for you when you were a kid that you have to do for yourself as an adult. Now, call, email, or text her or him and thank her or him for always doing that thing for you. Being a parent is thankless work and you will absolutely make your parent’s day if you thank her or him for something you once took for granted. The world can always use more parents who feel appreciated.

5. Encourage a Child
Remember those times when you were a kid and an adult told you they believed in you? It made you feel good, right? It made you believe in yourself. One of the cool things about being an adult is that now you can be that adult to a kid in your life. Pay if forward.

6. Open a Door for Someone, Literally
People love to be noticed. Opening a door for someone is a nice way to say, “I noticed you there and thought I would clear this pesky obstruction from your path.” Chivalry might be dead, but everyone likes having doors opened for them (especially if they’re carrying heavy stuff). It may be a small act, but it is an act of kindness no less.

7. Open a Door for Someone, Figuratively
Can you think of someone who is struggling and could use a hand up? Think about it a little longer and you might be able to think of a way you could be the person to give it to them. Now, if you take action on that thought, you could be the factor that turns things around for the person. And just that quickly, you’ve made the world a whole lot brighter for someone.

8. Turn Something Off
The science is clear, global climate change is happening and manmade carbon dioxide is contributing to it. Every time fossil fuels are burned carbon dioxide is created, and pretty much any time you use electricity in your home or office, or start your car, you are burning fossil fuels. So, help turn the tide. Turn off a light, turn down the thermostat, or leave the car parked in the garage. Don’t look now, but you’ve just helped save the planet. Nicely done.

9. Compliment a Stranger
Have you ever told the cashier at the supermarket that you like his haircut and watched his reaction? He smiles, stands up a little straighter, and suddenly seems happier in his work. It’s almost like magic. Complimenting someone who doesn’t know you can have a lasting impact. Tell that same cashier that you come into his store each week and are always impressed by how friendly he is with everyone, and you could make his whole month! You can bet that he isn’t always in the mood to be friendly with everyone, so if he is then he must figure that being friendly is an important part of doing his job well. You tossed him a quick compliment and actually told him you noticed that he excels at what he does – you can bet he’s going to take that to heart. Genuine compliments make a genuine difference.

10. Tell Someone You Love Something You Love About Them
This is like complimenting a stranger, but deeper and a little tougher to do right. It’s best to work it into a larger conversation somehow… just blurting out to your husband that you love the way he cooks out of the blue might make him think you’re simply trying to con him into cooking dinner tonight. However, if he just finished cooking the meal you’re enjoying and you say, “I’ve always loved being married to such a fantastic chef,” you will probably make him feel like a million bucks. We all love the people we love for thousands of tiny reasons. Pick any one of them and share it with that person. You might be surprised by how much it matters to them.

There they are! Ten things you can do right now to make the world a better place. Go give ‘em a try and keep doing all the good work you’re doing. It matters. You matter. You make a difference.

Family, Inspiration, Parenting, Weight Loss

Mind Trip Part II: Getting Inside Her Head

March 27, 2015 Matthew Vasko Leave a comment

They say you are what you eat. Some who have combatted weight problems and won would be more likely to tell you that you are what you think.

At the beginning of March, I shared Rebecca Berger’s story with you – how she had spent much of her life overweight and struggling to take it off; how she eventually made a mental shift that allowed her to lose weight, restore her health, and remain trim and fit. This week, we delve deeper into what goes on in Rebecca’s head that helps her be the person she spent so many years longing to be.

First, Rebecca has completely reframed the way she thinks about eating and exercise. She used to think of healthy eating as dieting. She used to think of exercise as a chore. Now, she thinks of the entire eat/exercise package as a journey. Each time she eats or works out it’s a footstep along that journey. In Rebecca’s words, “Inches add up to feet. Feet add up to miles. Every good thing you do is an inch in the right direction. Don’t let one bad thing derail you. So, you made a mistake and ate something you shouldn’t. So what? Get over it and move on.”

Part of Rebecca’s mental process is about staying focused, motivated, and positive. She says that she loves the quotes of Muhammad Ali for this. She has posters of him in her office. Some of her favorites are:

“The only limitations one has are the ones they place on themselves.”
“I’m going to show you how great I am.”
“Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them – a desire, a dream, a vision.”
“Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.”
“It’s lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself.”

To get more into her head I asked Rebecca the following questions…

What is the first thing you think of when you get out of bed in the morning?

First, I give thanks. When each foot hits the floor I say, “Thank you God… for this day. Please help me to do your will.” As I pack my lunch I think of the choices I will make for the day and think about improving over the day before.

How do you picture yourself, mentally? Like you are now? Slimmer? Heavier?

I see myself as I am or slimmer – usually at my goal weight.

What do you think when you see yourself in the mirror?

I am much less critical of myself now than I use to be, when I look in the mirror. I look for improvements in weight loss and muscle definition. I must admit I think I look older now.

How is your thinking different now than it was two or three years ago?

I think about things in a much more positive way. I would get down on myself for every poor choice. Now, I realize that it’s a lifelong journey and if I want something I plan and I account for it. Plus, all things in moderation.

What is/are your major motivator(s)?

I have sayings and signs everywhere. But if you’re asking – what is my WHY – it’s my kids and family. I want to be the parent they deserve. My mom had knee problems that limited her from many activities as we were growing up, I don’t want my health and fitness to do the same. Plus, the thought that if I continued to gain weight and not manage my health I would have risked being here for them – and that brings me to tears.

Are you a happier person than you used to be?

ABSOLUTELY YES! I have a much more positive outlook on life. I have energy and I have confidence that I did not have before. I often thought of things in life as a HAVE to, instead now it’s a GET to. When you lack the energy to make it through the day so many things seem like have to do instead of getting to do.

What frustrates you? How do you work through it?

I occasionally get frustrated because I have slowed down on the weight loss, but then I think even if I never lost another pound I would still be a happy person. I also still work with my [Herbalife] coach.

What do you want more than anything else in life?

I really think I have found a passion with for fitness and exercise. I would love to open my own nutrition club. But again I think it is my kids and what I said in 5.

Is it possible that what goes on in our heads is what truly shapes the bodies we walk around in? Rebecca Berger has reframed how she thinks about eating and exercise to transform her physical being. Maybe, when it’s all said and done, when we are fighting the battle of the bulge, the real battle we are fighting is a mental one. Maybe, before we change what we eat and how we work out, what we really need to do is change the way we think about all of it. What do you think?

Parenting, Travel

Tips for Taking Road Trips with Young Children

March 19, 2015 Matthew Vasko 1 Comment

My wife and I enjoy taking road trips with our twin preschoolers. They are four-and-a-half now, and these techniques have evolved over the past couple of years to keep them contented and enjoying the ride when we travel by car. Whether you are taking a day trip or driving vacation, I hope these tips will help guarantee you happy trails.

Prep them for the trip.

We start to prep them a couple of days in advance for the fact that they will be in the car for a while. We get out a map and show them where we will be going and how we will be getting there, pointing out landmarks and towns they should watch for along the way. Our goal is to get them excited about both the trip and the destination.

Give ‘em leg room.

You might be packed to the gills, but resist the urge to pack items below their feet or in such a way as to restrict their movement. Little ones swing their legs when they are in the car seat – it’s just what they do. It helps to keep them from getting restless. So, be sure to keep the area under and around them clear so they have room to squirm.

Engage them in the experience.

The beginning of the drive is the perfect time to start to engage them in the trip. Ask them to point out to you when things start to look new and different than the area that they are used to – you might be surprised by how well they know their usual surroundings. Once you get into new territory for them, point out things you notice that might excite them (“Look, a windmill!”, “Cows!”). Encourage them to point out the new things they see.

Combat hunger.

On long road trips, hunger is your enemy. Take a variety of healthy, car-friendly snacks. Start with low-mess snacks you know your kids love and go from there. In a cooler, we keep baggies of precut and cleaned carrots, celery, sugar snap peas, broccoli, strawberries, and blueberries. Our kids still enjoy fruit and veggie pouches, so we are sure to take those because they are super-easy and usually tidy. A company called Bamboo Lane makes a product called Crunchy Rice Rollers, which leave some crumbs, but are a healthy hit. We also pack some of their favorite dry cereal and snack cups to serve it in.

Music, music, music!

Be sure to take along their favorite music on a mix CD (if you still use that technology) or whatever medium that will allow you to play it over the car’s sound system. Some of our favorites are Lori Berkner Band and Veggie Tales tunes. We take some new-to-them kid friendly music and use the trip as an opportunity to introduce them to it. Car rides are also a great time to have a good old-fashioned family sing-along.

Plan for napping… but not too much!

We try to plan our stops so that we will be on the road for a several-hour stretch during the time before, during, and after that when they are likely to fall asleep. This is usually our longest stretch of non-stop driving all day. Since they are asleep for a chunk of it, it seems short to them. I recommend letting them sleep for an hour to an hour-and-a-half, but no more. If they sleep all day then they will be full of energy when you arrive at your destination that night. They will be wired when you are exhausted and that is a bad combination.

Stick with water.

We just give the kids water in sippy cups in the car. With water, they drink just enough to quench their thirst, but not so much that it makes them have to go to the bathroom. Let’s be honest, if you want to make any real time on the road, you don’t want to have to be stopping for someone to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes. They haven’t learned to limit their fluid intake yet, so if you give them something tasty like milk or juice, they’ll probably drink it all then then need an emergency potty stop.

Make rest stops count!

Each time you stop try to make it someplace where they can run. It will help them stretch their legs and get their wiggles out. Exercised kids travel better. Whenever we stop for a meal we always have the kids use the restroom on our way back out to the car. We call it a “safety” stop and it is exactly that, because it saves us from having to get right back off the road as soon as we are back on it.

A note about media time:

If your kids have a Leap Pad or handheld game console then take it with you. Just be sure that you have enough battery life so that they can use it for as long as you want to allow them to do so. Nothing reduces a child to tears on a road trip faster than dead batteries. For our part, we save this type of entertainment until the kids are getting near their breaking point, and then bust it out. We figure that part of raising good travelers is teaching them to love the road as much as we do, and that means engaging them in the trip as much as possible.

Prepare for anything.

Make sure you have something handy to clean up spills and wipe little hands and faces. No matter how hard you try, there will probably be at least one emergency potty stop. Know that it’s coming and then it won’t bother you so much when it happens. Treat the trip like quality family time and you are sure to create some great memories. Travel safe, have fun and enjoy the ride!

Family, Parenting, Stay-At-Home Dad

Giving Time

March 11, 2015 Matthew Vasko 1 Comment

My Wife had grown accustomed to the phone calls. Those calls I would make between 4:30pm and 4:45pm more and more often. The ones that started with, “I’m sorry,” followed by my sigh and, “I’m going to have to stay late again.” Five o’clock was approaching too quickly. There was too much that needed to be done by the end of the day, which meant that the end of the day was going to stretch on past five until who-knows-when. Such, I thought, is the life of a salaried employee in corporate America in the 21^st century.

As I reached for the phone, it rang. I glanced at the caller ID. It was my Wife, hopefully not calling to make sure that I was leaving on time. With luck, she was calling to tell me about something entertaining or wonderful that one of our three-year-old boy/girl twins had just done. As a stay-at-home mom, she was always good about letting me know when something exciting had happened at home, like a new word spoken or new feat achieved. Those were the calls that recharged my batteries on these too-long days.

“Hi Sweetie!” I said as I brought the phone to my ear, mechanically inserting some cheer into my voice to start the call on an up note before delivering the bad news.

She said just four words, but they would soon change my life forever. “I got the job!”

“Congratulations!” I heard myself cheer, my mind zooming off in a million different directions at once and then rushing back to the here and now.

She paused. “There’s just one catch. They want me to start next week.”

My heart sank. I stammered. I wasn’t sure what to say. My Wife had been waiting all summer for this call and it was beginning to seem unlikely that it was ever going to come. We had planned for her to stay home with the twins until they started elementary school, but then her dream job working for her alma mater had opened up and she felt compelled to try for it. This was not the kind of position that came along every year. The last person that held it stayed for a decade. Knowing this could be her only shot at the job for a very long time she had gone for it, not even sure if she would be seriously considered. Now it was hers! But what about the kids? It wasn’t like her parents or mine lived close enough that they could just pop over and watch them for a couple of weeks until we figured out childcare.

Filling the silence on my end of the line she stated, “This could be my career job. This could be where I stay for 25 or 30 years.”

“I know, but…” I trailed off. “Can we talk about this when I get home, tonight? It’s getting late and I still have a lot to do before I can leave.”

“Of course, Sweetie.” She said understandingly.

Before hanging up I added, “Hey, I love you… and I’m proud of you. Well done!”

That night, after putting the twins to bed, we sat down to try to figure out how we were going to make this work. We had kicked around some childcare options during the summer, but landing the job had seemed like such a hypothetical that we wanted to be careful not to get overly excited.

My wife got straight to the point. “I checked on the childcare offered at the university. It’s an option, but it’s presently full and there’s a waiting list. That’s okay though, because I think I’ve figured out the solution.” Then, she said the words that I will never forget, “We could trade places. You could stay home with the kids.”

Suddenly, I am 12-years-old again sitting on the back porch with my Dad in rural Ohio. The sun has just set peacefully across the corn fields that stretch on for miles. The crickets are chirping. My Dad is explaining to me, my older brother and younger sister that in the months since his father’s death he has come to realize how much he regrets having worked two jobs during our early childhoods. He says that his Dad – who had died of a massive heart attack on the assembly room floor of the automotive plant he worked at for 40 years, just one week before retirement – had spent his life talking about the things he was going to do after he retired; the things the two of them would do together. My Dad announces that he feels like he owes it to himself and to us not to repeat what he has come to see as his father’s mistake. He is done with telling us about the things that we will all do someday when he doesn’t work so much. “I’d always felt like I needed to get ahead,” he says. Then, in a voice heavy with remorse he adds, “No amount of money was worth the time that I won’t get back with you guys.” He concludes definitively, “I’m quitting my evening and weekend job to spend more time at home. We can get by. It’s the time with you guys that matters.”

I snapped back to the moment. Without another thought or second’s hesitation I stated with determination, “Let’s do it.”

It has been a year-and-a-half since that night and I’ve never looked back. We were able to convince my Wife’s alma mater that she was worth waiting a few weeks for, so I could give proper notice to my company – a company that I cared about or would not have struggled through all those long days and sometimes nights and weekends to give it my best work.

My kids are four now and started preschool last fall. We made the decision to put them into a cooperative preschool so that I would get to participate in this milestone with them. Even better, I had them at home with me for a whole year, last year. I will forever cherish that time – and this time – with my children. I never thought that I would get to have such a close relationship with them as I have grown to, that I could share so much of myself with them as I get to, or that my heart could be filled with such joy by an opportunity that I didn’t even know I wanted until it presented itself to me.

I am grateful to my Wife for the gift she has given me. Like I was, she is a salaried employee. She still has some late evenings, but fortunately for our family she took a lesson from all late nights she saw me put in during our children’s first three years and has drawn very clear boundaries for her job. She is using some of her vacation days to work at the co-op. She’s making time for the important things.

My Dad and I have spoken many times about my decision to stay home with the kids. He is wildly happy for me. He’s pleased that I value the time I gained with him when he started spending more time at home to the extent that it made me make a big change in my own life.

If there is one thing that I’ve learned from this whole experience, it is this: We only get one shot at being parents and our children only get one childhood. There are no do-overs, but it’s never too late shift our priorities, change our course and become more like the parent we dream of being.

Inspiration, Weight Loss

Mind Trip: How One Woman’s Mental Shift Changed Her Life

March 4, 2015 Matthew Vasko Leave a comment

“I felt like I wasn’t even showing up for my own life.  I said, ‘This ends today.’”

We are all given just one life. What if you felt like you weren’t living the life you were meant to live? What would you do if every fiber of your being was screaming at you to be something different than what you were? Would you change? Could you change? Rebecca Berger experienced exactly that, made the change, and her transformation will inspire you.

Throughout her childhood, Rebecca had always been bigger and taller than everyone else in her class. She was athletic and loved playing basketball and softball, but late in junior high she started having trouble with her knees. Heredity and the strain of sports combined to put her in such a state that her right knee required surgery. Suddenly sedentary while recovering, she started putting on weight. Along with the weight came body image problems. Through high school, even though she had become active in sports again, she continued to feel overweight.

Rebecca’s weight problems and body image issues followed her into adulthood. “This will be the year I lose weight,” became her annual New Year’s resolution. Still, she never seemed to be able to take off the weight. She would work at it for a while, but she would slip and eat something she shouldn’t here or there and then next thing she knew – feeling defeated – she would be right back at the weight where she started or heavier.

In her mid-twenties, Rebecca was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, also known as PCOS, a health condition that can affect fertility. Now married and wanting children, her doctor advised her to lose weight, as it can sometimes help women with PCOS to conceive. In addition to being overweight, partly due to the PCOS, her doctor also informed her she was also pre-diabetic. Determined not only to have a child, but to have a healthy pregnancy, she redoubled her efforts to lose weight. This time, for the first time, she had real success. She lost 20lbs before she conceived in 2004.

After giving birth to a beautiful baby girl, Rebecca aimed to continue the weight loss journey she had started before becoming pregnant. She was disappointed to find that she could only make it back to her pre-pregnancy weight before plateauing.

In the spring of 2007, Rebecca had a second child – this time a darling boy. Her dreams of family fulfilled, she had little time to focus on herself. Like so many of us, her life was dedicated to working and caring for her family. She was happy, but something still wasn’t right. At night, when the house was quiet, her weight and body image issues would put her into a funk.

On Thanksgiving Day, 2008, her neighbor introduced Rebecca to Herbalife, a health and nutrition company. At that time she was the heaviest she had ever been and thought perhaps this would be the answer she’d been looking for. It worked – sort of. She was able to take off 40lbs, but slipped back into old patterns and 20lbs of that came back.

There came a point when Rebecca started to feel like she wasn’t the person she was meant to be. “I used to sit on the couch and have my kids go and get stuff for me,” she said. I thought, ‘this is not why I had kids – I did not have kids to make them my gofers.’ I felt like I wasn’t even showing up for my own life.”

She says that December 26, 2013 is the day it all changed. That was the day when the mental shift happened. “I got on the scale and it wasn’t good. I said, ‘This ends today.’”

It was like at that moment a new Rebecca emerged. It was as if the person that she had always wanted to be took control of the reins. Between that day and June 1, 2014, Rebecca lost 50lbs. And she has kept it off. She says, “I feel like I’m back in my own life again.”

What changed? Nothing… and everything. Familiar with Herbalife and having had success with it before, Rebecca continued to use it to help her along her path. But the real change was on the inside. Rebecca transformed the way she thought about herself, about weight, and about exercise. She says, “What’s different this time is a mindset. It wasn’t a diet anymore; it was a lifestyle change. It is a journey this time… I’m still on that journey.”

Later this month we will delve deeper into the mental process that has brought about Rebecca’s physical transformation, but for now we’ll leave you with this thought from her: “I always say that losing weight and maintaining a healthy weight is 80% nutrition, 20% exercise, and 100% mental.”

Entertainment, Movies

Message to Teens: Stay Weird. Stay Different. Stay Alive.

February 25, 2015 Matthew Vasko 1 Comment

In his acceptance speech on Sunday, Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar winner Graham Moore spoke out in support of teens that feel weird or different. He said, “When I was 16 years old, I tried to kill myself because I felt weird and I felt different and I felt like I did not belong. And now I’m standing here and so I would like for this moment to be for that kid out there who feels like she’s weird or she’s different or she doesn’t fit in anywhere. Yes, you do. I promise you do. You do. Stay weird, stay different. And then when it’s your turn and you’re standing on this stage, please pass the same message to the next person who comes along.”

I’m not standing on any stage and I don’t foresee myself winning an Academy Award in the near future, yet I feel compelled to help pass his message along. Like Graham, I didn’t fit in when I was a teen. I went to a small school in rural Ohio. I was shy, artistic, asthmatic, and not particularly good at sports. Try as I might, I just never seemed to fit in. I used to dread school. Each day meant another round of being picked on and outcast. I didn’t have to fake being sick in order to stay home, because I had so much anxiety about school that it would actually make me sick.

I was only in the sixth grade when I contemplated suicide. It was early in the school year and all I could see was a long road of pain stretched out ahead of me. I wanted out. I had spent the previous school year begging my parents to let me leave the small private school that I was in to go to the larger public school. My best friend‘s parents had agreed to let him do so and I pleaded to be allowed the same chance to start fresh somewhere new. Though I had my parents’ sympathy for my struggle, they thought the private school offered the best educational opportunity and had decided to keep me there. I would lay awake in bed for hours at night, fretting over what humiliation and degradation the next school day would bring.

Late one night, while the rest of the family was sleeping, I made my way down to the kitchen, opened the knife drawer and considered which blade would make the cleanest cut across my wrists. Two thoughts entered my mind:
1. My family loves me and this will devastate them.
2. In three years I will be out of there and on my way somewhere else for high school.
Knowing that my time at that school was limited was ultimately what made me slowly slide the drawer shut and go back to bed.

I rode out the next three years. It was long. It was torturous. I still relive the bad memories in my mind.

BUT…

High school was better and college was better still, and I eventually moved away and found my own place in the world. I’ve been able to build a life for myself that I love. I have a beautiful, brilliant wife, wonderful children, and have worked in industries throughout my adult life that have rewarded me for being artistic and unique.

So, here’s my message to pre-teens and teens that are struggling, because try as they might, they just can’t seem to fit in. Stay strong. Be true to yourself. The adult world will reward you much more for all the little ways that you are unlike everyone else than it will for the ways that you’re the same. Embrace the pain. It will be your badge of honor someday.

Guest Posts

50 Shades of Grammar

February 20, 2015 Matthew Vasko Leave a comment

Guest Post
by Anna Villeneuve

Anna Villeneuve is a Professor of English at Citrus College in Glendora, California. She writes romance for Bella Books under a pseudonym.

Who gets excited about grammar? When it’s time to talk subjects and verbs, I know that I am going to lose my students’ attention unless I do something dramatic. They already consider the study of sentence syntax nothing short of sadistic, so I use that to my advantage and use 50 Shades to keep their attention. They cannot believe that their literary-lesbian-feminist teacher would ever crack the spine of such a book, and I will admit it was a painful read. However, I have never seen grammar as clearly as I did when I read 50 Shades of Grey and use the book’s conflict to discuss the symbiotic relationship between grammar and romance. The first semester I used this idea, we even created a slogan for a shirt… Punctuation: Words in Bondage.

Anastasia is an independent clause. She went to school and has a job. Critics of the novel argue that she is an underdeveloped character, but all a simple sentence needs is a single subject and verb. Accept her, then, as a simple sentence, a single woman dreaming of another independent clause out there with whom she can coordinate. She’s thinking of all the ways they can become a compound sentence. Maybe a casual comma coordinating conjunction:

I like him, so we will get coffee.

Some nights they can dress it up with a conjunctive adverb:

We’ve been dating for a while; therefore, I will introduce him to my friends.

When they are really serious, she can see the single semi-colon signaling their togetherness:

We are perfect together; we shall marry and live happily ever after.

There’s only one problem.

He wants to subordinate. To be clear, here, he is the only independent clause in a complex sentence. Only dependent clauses need apply. Coordination is so vanilla. His special room is full of subordinating conjunctions:

Although she is beautiful, only docile women interest me.

He has relative pronouns in his pocket:

I am the one who is in control.

The interesting thing about subordinating conjunctions is that what we do intuitively as writers shapes the meaning of the sentence. I never noticed before I read 50 Shades, but when I viewed sentences as relationships, I could very clearly see how much power the independent clause holds over the dependent clause:

Even though he will be married in June, he is single now.
Even though he is single now, he will be married in June.

The first sentence says who cares about promises! Technically, no-one is breaking a code of honor. The second cautions the interested party to hold the value placed on engagements. The independent clause makes the call.

I am not critiquing S&M culture, but I think that it is important that people know what they are getting into. I do not judge Anastasia for trying things his way:

If… if I look at your room, could you… be gentle?

Remember, she is a virgin. But I do have a problem with Christian’s response:

We can be vanilla your first time, but then we do things my way.

What rankles me is that he refuses to acknowledge that without the joining words. Whether they coordinate or subordinate, she is her own person. As her own person, she can even choose to engage in a threesome:

After you play the dominant, we can talk about it, for communication is important.

We can invite as many independent clauses into the sentences as we want (as long as it’s punctuated properly i.e. be careful). The problem is that he sees only a dependent clause. That, in grammatical terms, is a fragment:

Because I let you take control of my life.

The story is not just about naughty sex. It’s about whether two consenting adults are engaging in actions that result in a complete relationship, a complete sentence. The storyline results in a woman sacrificing her identity. In academic writing, a sentence fragment is considered one of the major sentence errors. In life, to allow yourself to be as fragment is a major life error.

It is no accident that the movie was launched to the public for Valentine’s Day, a time when so many feel the pressure to be partnered. I also use my 50 Shades of Grammar to encourage my students to stand proud as the independent clauses they are. There is no shame in the simple sentence! When we partner, in writing and in life, we must remember that there are all sorts of different ways to hook up, each with its own rules of conduct. As long as we know the rules, we’re allowed to have some fun!

Super Eclectica